I live in hope.

'If you’ve got a pain then why don’t you just take something?'

Hmmmm.

Paracetamol?
Only works by taking constant doses every 4 hours and then it can help. Unfortunately the 4 hours expires when sleeping and then it returns.

Co-codamol?
Nausea fogging odd feeling. Takes the top of it but doesn't really give relief. Constipation follows.

DHC?
As above.

Diazepam?
GIves a good sleep but the body gets used to it so I ration its use. Never more than 2 tabs, even then rarely.

Gabapentin?
Changed me as a person. Didn't help the pain. Took me to a different place with my character. Mr Hyde came out and wanted to express sexual desire in a strange way, totally out of character. Perhaps it did actually reveal my inner self. Hurt my pride and hurt the one I love.

Pregabalin?
Lost the numbness in the toes, helped control it. Still got the pain bouts though, still taking it. Adds weight. Suppresses sensitivity down below. Desire still there but frustrated with inability.

Levitra?
Gives me back some esteem.  

The trouble is, the pain relievers take about 30mins before they take effect and even then they have limited impact. Also they have side affects in their own way.

If only there was a magic pill. Or a cure. Or a treatment. I live in hope.

It’s 5:12am. I woke on my right side with a throbbing on my right leg. I turned over. Mistake.

From toe to thigh it was there. I get up. Stumble down stairs and put the kettle on. Tea is my relief, that and movement. My eyes don’t focus right. My mouth is dry. I’m tired. There was no point is staying in bed with discomfort like that. The day begins with this routine all too often. Too often.

It’s actually quite nice to have the peace and quiet. If only it was just that which I have to enjoy. Unfortunately the day brings work and the stresses of the day. Driving through traffic. Arriving into the office and get bombarded with the issues of the day, of the week, of the general situation. Managing is the job and I do enjoy it, but when I’ve been up early and have had to deal with my own issues first it is s strain sometimes. I can't let it get on top of me and I can't let on to the team I'm in pain. I give them my time with patience and I listen to their issues. I give advice, they need my help. I enjoy giving it. We work well together and I like them a lot. I think they like me too. There is pain relief in doing good.